Keegan: Momma, you want me to tell you why you are white? Want me to tell you?
Me: Sure.
Keegan: Because, Momma, you are just white. That's all. (Shrugs) You are just white, Momma.

Kai: Am I a man, or am I a muppet?
Keegan: Am I a man, or am I a muffet?
Kai: Muh-PIT. PIT.
Keegan: Muff-pit. Muff-pit.

I was at the bus stop when the kids got off today.

Keely: Mommy, don't be mad.

She pulled her folder out of her back pack and I saw that they were school pictures. I wasn't worried because she had prepared me after that day telling me that her hair went "POOF" after recess even though we flat ironed it the night before.

This is what I saw when she turned around her SCHOOL PHOTOS that will be published IN THE YEARBOOK:

I now know that Keegan truly isn't a toddler anymore. I changed my shirt in front of him this morning.

Keegan: Momma, you're fat.
(I made a sad face.)
Keegan: You are so fat, Momma. Why is your tummy so fat?

I won't be changing my shirt in front of him anymore.

I was folding laundry the other day and Keegan was sitting beside me. I got up to pick up some clean clothes that had fallen on the ground.

Keegan: Momma, you have a big butt. A weely, weely big butt.
Me: Yes. Yes, I do.

Turtle and I were on our way home from her field hockey game last night. A couple of quiet moments passed and she said this randomly:

Turtle: You know, sometimes when I get bored I search all over my body for scabs to pick.
Me: Nice.

Keegan: Momma, can I have some gum?
Me: No.
Keegan: Why, Momma?
Me: Because you chew it for 2 seconds and then want to throw it away.
Keegan: No I not, Momma. I chew it for 5 seconds.

On our way back from 7-11 from getting slurpees, Kai told us about Mr. Quiet. 

Kai: Momma, guess who I walked with today? I'll give you 5 guesses.

Me: Uhmmmm... Dylan?

Kai: He's not in my class.

Me: Olivia?

Kai: Nope. She's not in my class either.

Keely was whispering something to me and I only made out "William." Yes, I was cheating.

Me: William?

Kai: There's no William in my class, Momma. You have 2 guesses left.

Keely (whispering louder for her deaf mother): MRS. Williams!

Me: Was it a kid or an adult?

Kai: Actually, it's a hand! Mr. Quiet!

I looked at Keely, who rolled her eyes.

Kai: See, Momma? This is Mr. Quiet!

Kai showed me his hand:

Me: Ooooooh! That's neat, Kai!

Keegan: This is "Punchy!"

I look in my rear view mirror to see Keegan with his hand in a fist making punching movements.

Me (to myself): Mr. Quiet? Meet Mr. Punchy!

I was laying in bed with Kai and Turtle tonight.
Kai: Momma, sometimes I hold my farts and they disappear.

Keegan came down the stairs tonight with new pajamas in his hands (tags still on) and not a stitch of clothing on.

Keegan: Momma, can you help me put my pajamas on?
Me: Yes... are you poopy?
Keegan: No, Daddy cwean me up. I dust naked.

We were at Hollywood Studios in Disney World today. As you can imagine, there were lots of things the kids wanted. Keely saw a man with lighted balloons and wanted one. I asked her to see how much they were. She went right up to the man and came back to report to me.

Keely: The regular ones are 10 dollars and the lighted ones are 15.
Grandpa: How much?
Me: 10 dollars.
Grandpa: For a balloon? That you might lose out to the car?
Keely: I was thinking they should be 1 dollar and 5 dollars.

We spent our first day in Disney at The Magic Kingdom and were headed back to the condo. Kai noticed the palm trees.

Kai: Momma, do you know those trees are Disney trees?
Keely: No, they are Malibu and Hollywood trees.

I finally got up around 1 pm today and was downstairs at my computer when Keegan came down with his clothes for me to help him put on. The boys were told they couldn't play Xbox until they got out of their pajamas.
Keegan: Momma, I was upstairs and I pee in the twashcan.
(Big grin.)
Me: What? You peed in the trashcan? Which one?
Keegan: Upstairs in our woom.
Me: Keegan! We don't pee in trashcans.
Keegan: But Kai was gonna win.

Turtle and I were driving back from breakfast.
Me: Turtle?
Keely: What.
Me: I love you. Don't fight your love for me.
Keely: I'm trying to read! Especially since a golden retriever is talking.

Keegan: I weely want to snore for weel. I want my adenoids back, Momma.
Keely: Okay, we will try to get some from eBay.

Kai has been listening to music with headphones for awhile on our way back to VA.
Kai: Momma, this song had your name in it. It said, "Lora, trust me."
Me: Oh really? That's neat!
After a few minutes, Kai said: Momma, it wasn't your name. It said, "trust me, Lord." I forgot.
Me: Well, Lord and Lora sound a lot alike.

On our drive home from Indiana, Kai said: Mommy, I'm not going to eat tomorrow or the next day or the next day.
Me: Why not?
Kai: Because I want to try not eating for three days.
Keegan: Me, too.

Our conversation one morning while visiting Molly...

Keely: Do you miss Daddy?
Me: Yes, do you?
Keely: Yes, very much. Boys, do you miss Daddy?
Kai: No, I don't remember what he looks like.
Keegan: I don't miss Daddy because he makes me sit on the potty and I don't like that.

Kai: Mommy, how much do you weigh?
Me: Its not polite to ask a girl her weight.
Kai: Do you weigh a thousand?
Me: Uhmmm, no.

My sister and her kids came home from church. Keegan ran into the kitchen to greet her. He came back into the living room.
Keegan: Kai, Aunt Lana is here!
Kai: I know. I can read voice.

Keegan was mixing ketchup and mustard together with his fries.

Keegan: Momma, when I mix ketchup and mustard together, it tastes like mustard and ketchup.

Me: Yep, that sounds about right.

Kai plays this game a lot and I got it on tape this time.

Another conversation in the van yesterday...
Kai: I want our old house back.
Keely: It's too small for the 5 of us.
Keegan: I can fit in dare (there.)

I took Kai and Keegan to Target because Chris gave them a 5 dollar bill and told Kai he could get ONE CAR EACH. Kai went along with it and didn't argue at all, even at the store.

When we got there, they each picked out a moto (motorcycle.)
Me: How many cars did Daddy say you could get?
Kai: Only one.
Me: Well, you have enough for two cars each.
Kai: Okay! Keegan, we can pick another one! Mommy, you are the best mommy!

Kai paid for the cars with the $5 bill and got his change back.
Kai: I can put this in my piggy bank!
Me: Good idea.

We got home and I told Chris that they each got 2 cars.
Chris: I told him to get ONE car each. I didn't have any ones so I gave him a 5.

Kai came running to the stop of the stairs.
Kai: Daddy! Five dollars was enough to get TWO cars!
Chris: Oh, was it?? Oh, Daddy KNOWS.

Yesterday, we were on our way to take Keely to gymnastics and this was the conversation...
Kai: I don't want to go to Indiana.
Me: Everyone else does.
Kai turns to Keegan: Keegan, do you want to go to Indiana?
Keegan: Do they hab pancakes dare (there)?

Kai does work at school sometimes where he listens to someone read a book to him. I'm not sure if it's on headphones or not, but there's a little clipart thingy on the top that suggests that's what it is.

If you recall from my post on March 25th, the last book report had a note from the teacher at the top right that said, "Kai, Next time find a part of the story that you do like, please."

I've posted another book report form for you that I found in his backpack yesterday:

I'd at least give the kid an A for honesty.

So, those of you who know me and my family and the problems we (as in the kids) have with poop... Well, I'm hoping we've made a break-thru.

Kai: Momma, Keegan pooped in his pants and he's on the potty now.
Me: Thank you for letting me know.
Minutes later...
Keegan: MOMMA! I POOOOOOOOOOPED!

I trek upstairs with anxiety in the pit of my stomach in what I might find both in the toilet (usually disappointing results) AND in his underwear (disappointing results also, just in a different way.)

I glance in the toilet and I am elated! That feeling is only short lived as I have yet to check the underwear that lay on the floor in front of his dangling feet. Nope, no poop and hardly a skid mark! WOO-FREAKIN'-HOOOO!

I clean him up and the negotiations begin.

Keegan: Momma, are you pwoud of me?
Me: Oh yes, Keegan! I'm so proud! Good job!
Keegan: Momma, can I hab dis many chocwates?
(He holds up 4 fingers smashed together.)
Me: How about 2?
Keegan: Momma. I poop A WAT (a lot.)
Me: Okay. How many do you want?
(I said that only to see him put up his 4 smashed fingers again.)
Keegan: Dis many.
Me: Okay.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If you know me, you also know I'm a hopeless optimist.

I was going through Kai's papers from school last week and came across this. Chris and I found this really funny so I thought I would share it. Recently, Keegan has not been wanting to go to "cool" (school) because he said, "It's bo-wing (boring.)" I have quickly made the connection here.

We took all of the kids and one of Keely's friends to see The Lorax today.
Kai: Mommy, do you know I bite my lip to get the blood? It tastes good.
Me: Don't do that, Kai!
Kai: I bited it! Am I bleeding?

We had chicken for dinner last night.
Kai: (pointing to his chicken wing he was eating) Momma, how do they get the bone in there?
Me: The bone is already in there and the meat grows around it. Like the bone in your arm or leg? They have meat around them. But there are animals without bones... like a worm...
Kai: And a zombie!

The routine with Kai is that he goes poop, he yells, "Momma, I poooooooped!", and I go and wipe him. I went into the bathroom the other day to do my part in the clean up.
Me: Pew! You stink!
Kai: I know, Momma. I can smell it.

Kai has been writing a lot of notes recently, which I have just loved! He tries to phonetically sound out all of the words but seems to get ahead of himself. This is a note he wrote this morning for Nana:

Translation:
To Nana
From Kai
Why do you live in the corner?

This morning I put Keegan on the toilet to get him to poop. He was in the downstairs half bath and he was playing my iPhone to help him relax.
Keely came down from brushing her teeth and came into the tv room where I was drinking coffee and watching Good Morning America.
Keely: Mommy, I think you should know that Keegan is touching his penis and then touching your phone.
Me: I don't care. I just want him to poop while he's on the toilet.
Keely: Okay... I just thought you should know.

I can hear Keely singing in the other room: This is how we do it! This is how we do it!
Then Kai chimes in: This is how we do it! This is how we do it!
Finally, Keegan: This is how us do it! How us do it! How us do it!

Grandpa came down stairs yesterday after getting ready for a super bowl party at a neighbor's house.
Keely: Grandpa, are you wearing chlorine?
Me: What? You mean 'cologne'?
Keely: Oh, that's what it's called?
Grandpa: I'm wearing deodorant.

For some reason (I forget why because I'm getting old), the kids and I were talking about Christopher Columbus in the van on our way to Old Town Buffet.
Keely: If we were alive when Christopher Columbus was alive, we would be wearing really weird clothes.
Kai: My art teacher said Christopher Columbus is dead.
Keegan: Mommy, is Christopher Columbus dead?
Me: Yes.
It was an interesting discussion to say the least.

A Kay Jewelers commercial was on television.
Commercial jingle: Every kiss begins with "K."
Kai: Not "Fish kiss!" (he puckered his lips like a fish.)

Grandmother to Kai: Tell me about your new bus driver you had today.
Keely: She's a mix between Lady Gaga and Katie Perry with a pinch of creepy.

Of course, SOMETHING had to be lost this morning before the kids headed out to the bus stop. This particular time it was Kai's backpack. As we were remembering the last time we saw it (in the wagon with Keegan), the kids were talking out loud.
Keely: Okay... I'm thinking backwards to see if I can remember what we did with it.
Kai: I'm thinking forwards.
Keely: Everyone thinks forward, Kai.

This morning...
Me: (zipping up Kai's coat) Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop this morning?
Kai nodded.
Kai: Mommy, do you have a bra on?
Me: Yes.
Kai: Yay! (pause) Mommy, why do you wear a bra?
Keely: Well, when Mommy was done milking us, she had to wear a bra to protect them. So when Keegan pokes her boobs, they are protected.
Me: (full of sarcasm) Yes. When I was done MILKING you all...

As you have probably gathered from the posts on this blog, my FB posts and my tweets, toilet training is not my forté. Last night, Kai's dad had him on the toilet knowing there was more to come and by not having him sit longer on the toilet would result in poopy underwear.

So, I was watching tv, Bo on his iPad and Keegan was playing his DS. After about 15 minutes, Kai called for his dad, who had forgotten he was in the next room on the toilet.

Kai came out of the bathroom and stopped in front of our bedroom door, clearly not happy.
Kai: Mommy? Daddy made my leg hurt (from sitting on the toilet so long.) And it's his fault.

We are close to putting a lot of 12 mo and 18 mo boys clothes online to sell and Kai found this old costume. He wore it all day yesterday. He also said it still fits.

I went to put away some of Kai's clean clothes in his dresser tonight.
Me: Why does it smell like poop in here?
Kai: I think my farts smell like poop, Momma.

I had just gotten out of the shower and Keegan came into my room looking for his shoes (because Moms ALWAYS know where shoes are.)
Keegan: Momma, why do you hab boo-boos (boobs)?
Me: Because I'm a girl.
Keegan: I don't hab doze (those). I dust hab small ones, (pointing to my boob) one of doze. Small ones.