The routine with Kai is that he goes poop, he yells, "Momma, I poooooooped!", and I go and wipe him. I went into the bathroom the other day to do my part in the clean up.
Me: Pew! You stink!
Kai: I know, Momma. I can smell it.

Kai has been writing a lot of notes recently, which I have just loved! He tries to phonetically sound out all of the words but seems to get ahead of himself. This is a note he wrote this morning for Nana:

Translation:
To Nana
From Kai
Why do you live in the corner?

This morning I put Keegan on the toilet to get him to poop. He was in the downstairs half bath and he was playing my iPhone to help him relax.
Keely came down from brushing her teeth and came into the tv room where I was drinking coffee and watching Good Morning America.
Keely: Mommy, I think you should know that Keegan is touching his penis and then touching your phone.
Me: I don't care. I just want him to poop while he's on the toilet.
Keely: Okay... I just thought you should know.

I can hear Keely singing in the other room: This is how we do it! This is how we do it!
Then Kai chimes in: This is how we do it! This is how we do it!
Finally, Keegan: This is how us do it! How us do it! How us do it!

Grandpa came down stairs yesterday after getting ready for a super bowl party at a neighbor's house.
Keely: Grandpa, are you wearing chlorine?
Me: What? You mean 'cologne'?
Keely: Oh, that's what it's called?
Grandpa: I'm wearing deodorant.

For some reason (I forget why because I'm getting old), the kids and I were talking about Christopher Columbus in the van on our way to Old Town Buffet.
Keely: If we were alive when Christopher Columbus was alive, we would be wearing really weird clothes.
Kai: My art teacher said Christopher Columbus is dead.
Keegan: Mommy, is Christopher Columbus dead?
Me: Yes.
It was an interesting discussion to say the least.

A Kay Jewelers commercial was on television.
Commercial jingle: Every kiss begins with "K."
Kai: Not "Fish kiss!" (he puckered his lips like a fish.)

Grandmother to Kai: Tell me about your new bus driver you had today.
Keely: She's a mix between Lady Gaga and Katie Perry with a pinch of creepy.

Of course, SOMETHING had to be lost this morning before the kids headed out to the bus stop. This particular time it was Kai's backpack. As we were remembering the last time we saw it (in the wagon with Keegan), the kids were talking out loud.
Keely: Okay... I'm thinking backwards to see if I can remember what we did with it.
Kai: I'm thinking forwards.
Keely: Everyone thinks forward, Kai.

This morning...
Me: (zipping up Kai's coat) Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop this morning?
Kai nodded.
Kai: Mommy, do you have a bra on?
Me: Yes.
Kai: Yay! (pause) Mommy, why do you wear a bra?
Keely: Well, when Mommy was done milking us, she had to wear a bra to protect them. So when Keegan pokes her boobs, they are protected.
Me: (full of sarcasm) Yes. When I was done MILKING you all...

As you have probably gathered from the posts on this blog, my FB posts and my tweets, toilet training is not my forté. Last night, Kai's dad had him on the toilet knowing there was more to come and by not having him sit longer on the toilet would result in poopy underwear.

So, I was watching tv, Bo on his iPad and Keegan was playing his DS. After about 15 minutes, Kai called for his dad, who had forgotten he was in the next room on the toilet.

Kai came out of the bathroom and stopped in front of our bedroom door, clearly not happy.
Kai: Mommy? Daddy made my leg hurt (from sitting on the toilet so long.) And it's his fault.

We are close to putting a lot of 12 mo and 18 mo boys clothes online to sell and Kai found this old costume. He wore it all day yesterday. He also said it still fits.

I went to put away some of Kai's clean clothes in his dresser tonight.
Me: Why does it smell like poop in here?
Kai: I think my farts smell like poop, Momma.

I had just gotten out of the shower and Keegan came into my room looking for his shoes (because Moms ALWAYS know where shoes are.)
Keegan: Momma, why do you hab boo-boos (boobs)?
Me: Because I'm a girl.
Keegan: I don't hab doze (those). I dust hab small ones, (pointing to my boob) one of doze. Small ones.

Kai: Mommy, you should put a elf in our room because Keegan always gets out of bed and goes to KJ's room. So you should put a elf in our room.

Every morning, I wake Kai up, he crawls on my back and I take him downstairs. This morning, he had woken up before I did, came in our room and jumped in our bed. I told him to go to the bathroom, he got on my back and we headed downstairs. We had the following conversation while we headed to the family room.
Kai: Momma, I want to tell you about my dream.
Me: Okay.
Kai: My favorite part was when KJ (Keely) smacked my bottom.
Me: Why did she do that?
Kai: Momma, it was my dream. I can't control my dreams.

Keely and her grandmother were stringing up ornaments that the kids painted to hang on the Christmas tree.
Grandmother: Alright, you didn't tell me how many strings we need. We have 8 strings for 3 sets of ornaments (8 ornaments in each set.)
Keely: Awwwww, can't we do 8 PLUS 3?

Kai and Keegan were coming down the basement steps with their juice boxes headed to play Xbox.
Kai: Boom, chicka boom-boom!
Keegan: Boom, chicka poo-poo!