Kai: Mommy, you should put a elf in our room because Keegan always gets out of bed and goes to KJ's room. So you should put a elf in our room.

Every morning, I wake Kai up, he crawls on my back and I take him downstairs. This morning, he had woken up before I did, came in our room and jumped in our bed. I told him to go to the bathroom, he got on my back and we headed downstairs. We had the following conversation while we headed to the family room.
Kai: Momma, I want to tell you about my dream.
Me: Okay.
Kai: My favorite part was when KJ (Keely) smacked my bottom.
Me: Why did she do that?
Kai: Momma, it was my dream. I can't control my dreams.

Keely and her grandmother were stringing up ornaments that the kids painted to hang on the Christmas tree.
Grandmother: Alright, you didn't tell me how many strings we need. We have 8 strings for 3 sets of ornaments (8 ornaments in each set.)
Keely: Awwwww, can't we do 8 PLUS 3?

Kai and Keegan were coming down the basement steps with their juice boxes headed to play Xbox.
Kai: Boom, chicka boom-boom!
Keegan: Boom, chicka poo-poo!

It rained today. A lot. At 10 am, I had to take Keegan to preschool. He ran to the car (because it's always a race and he had to win) and turned around to yell at me.
Keegan: MOMMY! I NEED A BRELLA!
Me: There's one in the car.
(I opened the sliding door on the van.)
Me: See? There it is.
Keegan: No, dat Kai's!
Me: Well, today it's YOUR umbrella.
Keegan: Mommy, famorrow it Kai's brella?

We were on our way to church for Thanksgiving service tonight.
Kai: Momma, I think we are in tv.
Me: Why?
Kai: Because there is a lot of traffic.
Me: Yes, you might be right.

Keegan: I have a wedgie.
Me: What? How did you get a wedgie?
Kai: No, Momma, he said, "I have a red seat"... on his bike.

Chris announced: Okay, time for dinner. If your name starts with a K, come and get your plate!
Keegan: Cake?

I dropped Kai off at a friends house for a playdate and the boy's mom asked Kai how he liked kindergarten.
Kai: It wastesez my time.

Turtle and I were driving home from hanging out in Falls Church, VA.
Turtle: I just farted. And it smells like corn. Yum!

I took Keely with me to a family photo shoot (Kate and Doug) in Alexandria tonight.
Me: Turtle, guess what Miss Kate's husband does for a living?
Keely: What?
Me (excited): A meteorologist!
Keely (clearly not impressed): Oh.
Me: What? I thought you'd think that was cool!
Keely: I thought you were going to say "fashion designer."
Me: Seriously? If he were a fashion designer, he probably wouldn't have a wife and kids.

Keegan: Mommy, what you making?
Me: Coffee.
Keegan: Why you making coppee?
Me: Because Mommy likes coffee in the morning.
Keegan: I wike apple juice in da morning. And cereal. And popcorn.

We went to Ihop for dinner last week for all you can eat pancakes (which no one ordered.)
Grandmother to Keegan and Kai before we got out of the van: Alright, I don't want to hear "poopie" or "butt" anymore or we are not going in.
Kai yelled: Or "pee-pee"!

Keegan and I were walking down to the bus stop today to pick up Kai and Keely.
Keegan: Mommy, boys hab penis an butts.
Me: What do girls have?
Keegan: Just butts.

Keely was home from school today with a belly ache. She slept most of the morning and around noon, I took her with me to pick up Keegan from preschool.

When Keegan came out of his classroom, he hugged me, then Keely, and then he showed us his artwork.

Keely: Keegan, it's a big nut! You can take it out and feed it to the squirrels!
Keegan: It's not real.

The other day, Kai was playing Xbox and one of the games wouldn't read. This happens often because of dirty, grimy, sticky hands that touch the CDs. He brought the CD to me and I used my breath and my shirt to clean it. I lifted my shirt up (I was laying down on the couch) and my stomach showed.
Kai: I saw your belly button!
(after a long pause) Kai: Mommy, when other mommies see your belly button, does it hurt your feelings when they laugh?
Me: Well, I don't show other mommies my belly button.

I took Keegan to preschool this morning and asked his teachers how his first show-and-tell when yesterday.
Mrs. Nahlik: He did great! We weren't even sure he would get up there, but he did. Then we weren't sure he would say anything, because he doesn't talk much. But he did. Unfortunately, we couldn't understand everything he said.
Me: What?? He doesn't talk your ears off like he does to us at home?

When I went to kiss him goodbye, I told him not to talk any today (teasing, of course.)

Three hours later, I picked him up. We got into the van.
Me: Keegan, did you talk any today?
Keegan: Yeah.
Me: What did you say?
Keegan: I said, "I have go potty."

It was picture day at the elementary school on Thursday, 9/29, and Kai wanted a mohawk.
Kai (as I'm brushing his hair): If you only have hair in the front, it's called a "mo." If you have it in the front and back, it's called a "mohawk."

Keegan learned about Johnny Appleseed this week in preschool.
Me: Who was Johnny Appleseed?
Keegan: Him walk with a bot on him ed. An he dint hab shoes.
Translation: He walked with a pot on his head and he didn't have shoes on.

We have been working on potty training Keegan for several weeks now. He pees in the potty just fine (after I tell him to hit the water) but the pooping part is just not sinking in. He starts going #2 in his pants and then sits himself on the toilet and yells, "MOMMY! I go poop on the potty now!"

Well, I know what THAT means... It means I find poop in his underwear that's sitting between his legs while he is sitting on the toilet. It also means I have to search his legs, back and bottom for smears of poop to clean off with 3 million wipes (because I do everything I can NOT to get poop on my hands.) These past 2 days, I have found him here:

...sitting on the toilet after I've cleaned him, leaned over on the side of the bathtub and snoring. Loudly. I couldn't resist taking a picture but I did think better than to not post it on Facebook. Instead, I'll lead people here to see it. That way, they can scroll down for some more laughs. How thoughtful of me, I know. You're welcome.

Keely lost a tooth today at school. She was talking about it when she and Kai got home from the bus stop.
Kai: Is there a tooth fairy in this town?

We took Keely to her first field hockey practice on Sunday evening. She came off of the field for a water break.
Me: You're doing a great job, Turtle! I don't even think I could do that.
Keely (saying as a matter of factly): You couldn't. You're too old.

Today was the first day of school for two of my kids. I met them at the bus stop to pick them up when they got off the bus.
Me: Hi Kai! How'd it go today?
Kai (in a defeated tone): It didn't go too good. I cried.

We are on our way to the beach.
Keely (to Kai): I'm lucky. I get to sleep with Nana. Wanna switch?

Kai's grandmother brought home a bloomin' onion just before dinner.
Kai: Grandma, next time you get one of these can you get one without the onion?

Keely came home from her friends house and asked for a popsicle. I said sure.
Keely (after plopping down on the couch with her banana split popsicle): What are you doing, chillaxing with a cup of wine and your phone?
Me: That's exactly what I'm doing.
... and I turned my attention back to Despicable Me.

Kai said the prayer at dinner last night:
Dear God,
Thank you for the family. Thank you for the food. I love Mommy, Daddy, Grandma... (he says this as he looks around the table.) Keegan is really funny. Amen.

Kai: Is it my birthday tomorrow?
Me: No, you have 7 days until your birthday.
Keegan: Is my birfday coming up?
Me: No, you have about 36 days until your birthday.
Kai: Keegan, that means you're longer.
Keegan: Yeah, I longer.

Bo bought some gummy lifesavers for the kids last night. I heard Keely talking to Kai.
Keely: They are called lifesavers because if you choke on them, there's a hole so you can still breathe.

Kai came downstairs crying.
Me: Why are you crying?
Kai: Daddy won't let me play his big white phone. (iPad)

I am trying to potty train Keegan before his school begins (Sept 11) or he won't be able to go.
Me (to Keegan): Look at me. These are big boy pull ups for big boys. If you have to go pee pee, where do you go?
Keegan: In the bafroom
Me: If you have to go poop, where do you go?
Keegan: In my butt.

Kai (standing up randomly from watching tv): Keegan, wanna see my butt cheek?
Me: Keegan does not want to see your butt cheek. Put that away.
Kai (now pointing to his butt cheek which was hanging out of his pull up): This is my butt cheek, Keegan.
Keegan: Oh.

Keely (on our way home from the Maryland Orioles game): Mommy, how old were you when you got your pads?
Me: What do you mean?
Keely: The pads  that you put in your underwear.
(Keely was way in the back of the van, Bo was driving and I was in the front passenger seat, so it was safe to laugh without her seeing us.)
Me: Oh, I don't know... 8th grade?
Keely: How OLD were you?
Me: 13? 12?

Kai went poop in the potty.
Me: Do you have more?
Kai: No. It was stuck to my bottom but I wiggled so it would come off.

I found a book in the house that I'd never seen before.
Me: Where did we get this book? Is it a library book?
Kai: No, it was already living at our house, Momma. But we was never gonna read it.

While in Indiana for 2 weeks, we met and visited with an old elementary school friend of mine who has 2 kids the same ages as Keely and Kai. Her daughter (9 yrs old and only 4 days younger than Keely) is a true Albino and is legally blind in both eyes. She and Keely had a great time together and became fast friends. When we said our goodbyes and got in the van.
Keely: Mommy, even though McKenzie's eyes have ruined her life, she's still really cool!

We've been traveling a lot and I haven't had much chance to post what my kids have been saying. Here are some "catch up" quotes...

(a few months ago) Kai: Mommy, can you get me my DS?
(We were in the car and it had fallen in front of him but behind me.)
Me: I can't reach it. Wait until I stop.
Kai: Mommy, you can't reach it because you don't have Lego arms.

I was sending my mother an email so Kai and Keely had me type something, too. I typed exactly what they said to me.

Kai said:
Will you spell to Nana 'This is a McDonald's hat and me and Keegan are wearing it.' Can you spell that to her? And 'Good night, Nana, and I love you, too.' And I want you to say 'I had a great day and I never tooked a bath but today I am.'

Keely said:
Today me and my girl scout troop went to the senior center and they were having a 'Senior Prom' for all of the seniors. And we gave cookies, sang songs and gave cards to the seniors. One lady reminded me of you. I can't wait to see you at the summer house. I love you. Good night!
P.S. The seniors were old people.

Kai said (again):
My last word is I love you and, uh, and I got 1 dinosaur. When I poop in the potty or I pee in the potty or I stay clean, then I get a dinosaur. And I want you to have a good night and BYE BYE!

I was playing Go Fish with Kai and Keegan this morning.
Me: Kai, do you have an 8?
Kai hands me a 6.
Me: No, that's a 6.
Kai: Mommy, does an 8 have 2 heads?
Me: Well.... yes, it has 2 stacked heads.

Funny, I never thought of that.

I made virgin piña coladas for snack tonight.
Bo: Does this have coconut in it?
Me: It's piña colada.
Bo: Did you use Bacardi?
Me (enter sarcasm here): Yes, piña colada and Bacardi... for the kids.
Kai: What? Piña colada and party?

Kai and Keegan were watching Dora.
Dora: Will YOU help me find the hula hoop?
(The arrow pointed to something that was not the hula hoop. Kai and Keegan were up at the tv.)
Kai (with his finger on the hula hoop on the screen): Sorry, we already found the hula hoop. Mommy, why does her need our help?

Kai: Whoa! Mommy, you HAVE to cut this up!
(Kai handed me a slice of apple.)
Me: I'll just eat it.
Kai: Because you have a big mouth?
Me: Yes.
Kai: I don't. I have a small mouth.

Keely had a friend over tonight for dinner.

Victoria: Mrs. Buchanan, why do you have "Lora Mote" on your facebook page?
Me: That's my name.
Victoria: I thought your name was Buchanan because his name is Buchanan.
Me: Nope. We aren't married.
Victoria: Then how do you have kids together?
(I was thinking it wasn't appropriate to tell her about the birds and the bees. That's her parents job.)
Me: Well, you don't HAVE to be married to have kids. We are "new age" like that.

Kai was trying to annoy Turtle in the car by copying everything she was saying. She was getting upset and told on him but then she thought about it.
Keely: I'm stupid.
Kai: I'm stupid.
Keegan: I tupid.

Keely: Yep, that's what I am!
Kai: Yep, that's what I am!
Keegan: Yep, I am!

Keely: Daddy, why don't you smile in any of your pictures?
Daddy: Smiling is over-rated.

Kai and Keegan were playing behind me.
Kai: Do you want some pizza Keegan?
Keegan: Yeah... in my butt.

We went to the circus today and to make up for not buying a $12 ice cream cone there, we went to McDonald's to have a cone.
Kai: Look, Mommy, a toilet!

I have NO idea where the potty humor comes from.

Keely and I were headed someplace just the two of us.
Keely: Mommy, did you notice a lot of stores have their name in it? Logan's Roadhouse, Joe's Crabshack...
(very long pause here, like 2 minutes)

Keely: Bob's Barbecue would be a good one.

Keegan has been wearing this tie for 2 days now. Today, though, his brother wore one to preschool.

It was a little chilly this morning and I asked Kai to get his jacket. He said he didn't need a jacket. "My tie will keep me warm, Mommy."

I found this list today. It was written by Turtle. I asked her tonight about number 24 because she has Justin Beiber all over her bedroom walls. She said, "Oh, Victoria made me put that. She doesn't like Justin Beiber. I act like I don't like him because all of the girls at school don't like him."

Keely came home from school today all frantic telling me I needed to email her teacher about a "mean substitute" her class had today. I did email her teacher (as her story included the substitute throwing a colored pencil at another student which hit him just above the eye) and after the email sent, Keely said, "That's cool! I hope I get gmail when I get older."

Keely said to me last night:
Mommy, I am 50% white and 59% African American.

Kai and Keegan were playing in the living room with their cars all over every place.
Kai: I farted.
Me: (giggling in the next room just listening to him because kids farting is almost always funny)
Kai: (to Keegan) Move, Keegan. Get out of my fart. I don't want you in my fart.

Kai got up this morning and came downstairs.
Kai: Mommy! I thought you wasn't down here.
Me: Well, I wasn't... I just came inside from running.
Kai: I'm really hungry and t.v.-ly. T.v.-ly means I want to watch t.v.

For my first 5K that I ran, it was a turkey trot in DC. Chris, Keely, Kai and Chris' dad went to the race with me. After we'd finished, we took a picture with a big turkey that was there at the finish line. Chris and I were talking about the 5K race I ran this past Sunday morning.
Kai: Was the rooster there?
(It took me a second to understand what he was talking about then I realized he was remembering the turkey trot I ran on Thanksgiving.)
Kai: Was this there? (he made a fist with his right hand, stuck his thumb out and put fist flat against his left palm which had all five fingers spread wide - he was making a turkey with his hands!)

As we took Keely to a birthday party on Sunday (a laser tag party), she asked me if she could play with my phone (apparently, I have better games than Daddy does.)
Me: No, we are almost there. We have 2.5 miles to go. I think you can wait.
Chris: You should be strategizing about how to kill people.

Chris and I were out with the boys while Keely was at a birthday party on Sunday. We were all kind of hungry so we stopped at McDonald's. I told Chris to just get the boys happy meals but, of course, he didn't get them. He got the 20 nuggets for $4.99 and he got me a diet Coke. Kai and Keegan were upset because they wanted french fries and chocolate milk. Keegan calls french fries "beach byes."
Kai (still upset that he didn't get what he wanted): I don't want chicken nuggets all alone. My tummy won't like it.

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've posted something here. You'd think my kids were in a dry spell of humor... but for this long? A lot of their humor isn't verbal but the faces they make, the dances they do and even when they wrestle each other making noises like they are in the fight of their lives. So fun to watch!

So, several of these next posts came from this past weekend where Keely had 2 birthday parties to go to and a Brownie function at a bowling alley.



As we were driving Keely to her 2nd birthday party on Sunday, we passed by a middle school that has a huge hill. Last year when we had a lot of snow (waaaay more than this year), we went sledding on that hill. Well, Kai noticed the hill.
Kai: That's where we slide our sleds!


A couple of days before the weekend, I was helping Kai in the bathroom after he'd pooped. When he goes, I'll hear him call for me.
Kai: MOOOOOMMYYYYYYY, I POOOOOOOPED!
(I yell back that I'm coming.)
I bend him forward while he sits on the toilet so I can wipe him and tell him he's my super-duper-pooper.
Kai: You have big legs. And big feet. And a big, big butt.

The kids and I were out for awhile just the 4 of us today. On our way home from Target, Kai (he's my most affectionate and lovey dovey child) said: Mommy, I love you all night and all day.
Me: You do?
Kai: Uh huh.

Kai: But I don't love you on Wednesdays.
 
Keely and I busted out laughing.

Kai was doing a pee-pee dance so I told him to go potty.

Kai: Mommy, my penis was stuck to my underwear.
Me: Why?
Kai: Because it was sticky.

Kai: Mommy, is "golly polly" a good word or a bad word?
Me: It's a good word. Where did you hear that?
Kai: No where. My heart said that to me.

Kai comes running into the dining room. He and Keegan are pretending.
Kai: Mommy, I sure love you but that bomb is going to blow up. But you are the only guys who don't get blowed up. So, I love you. Here, Mommy, have my juice. And I love you.

Kai: Mommy, no time for this. I need this.
(He grabs 2 tissues.)
Kai: Stink bug on the kitchen floor.
(He runs into the kitchen and comes back almost immediately.)
Kai: Mommy, if you see one of these, a tissue, and my tissue is laying that way and Keegan's tissue is laying this way, scoop it up and throw it away. It's a stink bug. I'm too scared.
(He runs off to tell Daddy who picks up the tissue w/stink bug in it and throws it away.)
Kai and Keegan: Yaaaaay! Yay! (cheering and jumping)

We were late for preschool (again)... I had a teacher's conference with Kai's teacher AND I had to run thru McDonald's drive thru to get a chocolate milk for his lunch.

Kai: Is that Silas (a boy in his class) in front of us?
(He was remembering last week when we were in Wendy's drive thru and Silas and his grandmother were in the car ahead of us.)
Me: No.
Kai: Is that Silas in front of the car in front of us?
Me: No.
Kai: Then who ARE those people?

Kai was fighting bad guys in the living room for about 20 minutes with Keegan. It was pretty dramatic and action-packed entertainment. I was thinking, I should be taping this.... but I didn't think I would get away with it.

Kai: Keegan, when I kill you, you're dead.

On our way home from Kai's preschool, Keegan was dancing in his carseat to some music.
Kai: Look, Mommy! Watch me!
(Kai was dancing in his chair, too)
Kai: Let's see your moves, Mommy!
(I shook my shoulders and moved my arms since I was at a stoplight.)
Kai: Funky.

Kai came running into the dining room where I was.
Kai: At school, my teacher had some new things.
Me: What kinds of new things?
Kai shrugged and walked away.

I was listening to The Outfield on my iPhone and Kai came into the room.
Kai: I like this song. I don't know it. But I love it.

Kai was laying on Keegan while watching Dora the Explorer and he said, "Mommy, thank you for my new pillow (Keegan.) I love my new pillow!"

Hide and seek

Me: Kai, will you do me a favor?
Kai: Sure.
Me: Will you run upstairs and get me a diaper?
Kai: Aaah! That's not a favor! What is a favor?
Me: It's something I asked you to do for me to help me.
Kai: If I go upstairs to get a diaper, will you give me a chocolate?
Me: Yes.
Kai: If I go upstairs and get a diaper, will you give me TWO chocolates?
Me: No, you asked for one chocolate, not two.
Kai: I didn't say ONE chocolate.
Me: You said A chocolate. A means ONE.

I was driving Kai to preschool this morning and Keegan was rambling on about something.
Kai: Keegan, what are you saying? No one knows what you are saying. Only God knows what you are saying.

The kids and I were watching "The Upside Down Show" that we TiVo.

Keely: Mommy, they (the guys on the Upside Down Show) were in a car and going like this...
(She made little circles with her hand)
Me: He was rolling down a window. That's a crank to roll the window down. They still have those, don't they?
(It suddenly occurred to me that she had never seen a car with manual windows.)
Keely: You mean in the old times?

Wow. I feel old.

Tonight, the boys and I dropped Keely off at church for Awana. On the way home, we sang about how we needed to pee (me and Kai.) We all ran inside and Kai went first.
Me: Kai, don't flush the toilet.
Kai: Why, Mommy? Why do you not want me to flush?
Me: Cuz I have to pee, too.
(I waited for him to finish and then put down the seat.)
Kai: Mommy, do you have to poop?
Me: No, I have to pee.
Kai: Why are you putting down the pooping seat?