August 9, 2016

The boys were playing Hide-and-Seek and Keegan was hiding from Kai under my bed. Kai finally found him.
Kai: C'mon. You are going to jail.
Keegan: Why am I going to jail?
Kai: I don't know.
Keegan: You need a backstowy (backstory)!
Kai: You killed someone.
Keegan: I wouldn't do that! .... only for food, though.

Summer 2016

A lot (and I mean A LOT) has changed in my life since my last post. My kids are now 14-1/2, 10, and 8 years old.

 I'm feeling like I need to blog again. I'm thinking I might begin a new blog... it's in the works. Until then, here are some funny things my kids have said this summer:

Me to Sasha (our kitten): Come here, my sweet, deaf kitten. Let me love on you!
Turtle: She's not deaf, Mother. 
Me: Yes, she is.
Turtle: Sasha. Sasha. SASHA! I think you're just calling her by the wrong name. JEFF!

July 30, 2014 1

Keegan: Is "pissy" the p-word?

Me: No. 

Kai: What does "pissy" mean?

Me: Angry with an attitude. 

Keegan: Kai, you are pissy a lot. 

July 30, 2014 2

Kai picked at his butt. 

Me: Do you have to poop, Kai?

Kai: No. My butt's itchy. So is my head sometimes. 

Keegan was laying next to me in bed tonight and I was playing a game on my phone. 

Keegan: How do you know how to play that game?

Me: I used to play it when I was a kid. 

Keegan: But you didn't have a phone. Did you play on your moms phone?

Me: No, it was a board game. 

Keegan: So it was that game but it was on a board?

Me: Well, yes. 

July 2

At tennis, Keegan was supposed to hop on one leg while bouncing the tennis ball on his racket. It was quite entertaining for me.

July 1

I signed Keegan up for tennis camp. He loved it!
Keegan: Momma, I sweated.
Me: You did?
Keegan: Well, not dwipping sweated but I sweated.

Keegan: Momma, will you buy me some tennis cwothes?
Me: We'll see. Let me ask your dad.

Me: Turtle, you wanna go with me to pick up my bike?

Keely: Are the boys going?

Me: No. 

Keely: Sure. Lets go. 

Me: I'm almost done with this book and we can go after I'm done. I need to return the book to Miss Tina. 

Keely: What's it about?

Me: It's about sugar and what it does to your body. 

Keely (eyebrows raised): Well, I don't want to know so shhh. 

Keegan: Momma, do you memba when we went to that westauwant and it was old on the outside but it wasn't?
Kai: I do! Actually, I don't think Mommy was there.
Keegan: Yes she was!
Kai: Keegan, your brain is small and doesn't hold that many memories. I have more memories than you and Mommy has more than me.

Keegan: Is fire weal (real)?

Turtle: If it wasn't, we wouldn't have light. 

Kai: Or s'mores. 

Grandpa: Kai, can you read?

Kai: Yes. 

Grandpa: What does this say?

Kai: "Sweet Corn"

Grandpa: How'd you know that?

Kai: Because I know sweet and I know corn. 

Kai: Mommy, what number is pi?

Me: 3.14

Kai: So, it goes 1, 2, 3, pi, 4, 5, 6, seven-eight-nine-ten?

Me: Yes!

Keegan: 1 pie, 2 pie, 3 pie, 4 pie, 5 pie, 6 pie, 7 pie, 8 pie, 9 pie, 10 pie!

We are still having pooping problems in the house. Keegan had his 2nd pair of dirty underwear so I made him sit on the toilet. After whining and moaning about how much time he was to sit on the toilet, I finally gave him a time.

Keegan: Momma, how much time do I have?
Me: 25 minutes.
(2 minutes later)
Keegan: Momma, how much time now?
Me: 20 minutes.
Keegan: Momma, after 5 is 4.
Keegan: (Starts counting) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. It's 4 now.

On our way to preschool this morning, this came out of the blue...
Keegan: Momma, I blowed that white thang but my wish didn't came true.
Me: What was your wish?
Keegan: I can't tell you. But it didn't came true.
Me: Well, maybe it will.

Keegan's friend, Steven, was over today.

Steven: I'm so hungwy. I want a fwuit woll-up.
Me: Kai? Did you get Steven a fruit roll-up?
Kai: No.
Keegan: I will! I will get Steben a fwuit woll-up!
Steven: I want stwawbewwy.
Keegan (headed up the stairs): I can't wead.

Today, my friend, Linda, picked up Keegan from preschool so he and her son, Steven, could play together. Here is part of a conversation Keegan had with Linda...

Keegan (telling Linda about Yogi Bear Campgrounds in Luray, VA we went to over spring break): We went on a haywide but there was no hay. And they had some waterslides. But Gwama and Gwampa couldn't go because you're not allowed to be naked.
Linda: Why would they be naked?
Keegan: Cause they don't have any swimmy fings (things) like shorts.
Linda: Oh, they don't have any swimsuits?
Keegan: No, they don't have anything wike that.

Linda picked up her phone to text me the conversation.

Keegan: Don't tell my mommy.

I've been getting a lot of "is that real? Is this real" from Keegan lately.

I had told the boys at least 3 times tonight to brush their teeth. I was about to get loud.

Me: Kai? Keegan? Brush your teeth!
Keegan: Momma?
Me: Keegan, brush your teeth NOW.
Keegan: Momma? Are bigfoots weal (real)?
Me: No.

Me: Brush teeth now.

Kai: Can you fly to heaven?
Me: Like in a plane?
Kai: No, on a rocket ship.
Me: No.
Kai: Where is heaven?
Me: It's a spiritual world when you die.
Kai: I don't want you to die.
Me: I won't.
Kai: Actually you will.
Me: Well, hopefully not soon anyway.

After getting dressed, Keegan came down again.

Keegan: Momma, you're pwetty (pretty.) And you smell wike fwowers (like flowers.)
Me: Aww, thank you!
Keegan: You should take a shower. You smell wike a pen.
Me: A pen? You just said I smell like flowers.
Keegan: Actually, you do.

Keegan: Momma, I wove (love) you.
Me: I love you, too.

Keegan came downstairs this morning so I could help him get his pajama top off. He had come to our bed twice last night saying he was scared.

Me: What are you dreaming about at night to get so scared?
Keegan: Monsters. And Ghosts. And Zombies. And eyeballs.
Me: Eyeballs?
Keegan: Gwoss (gross) zombie eyeballs.

I was watching the Jeff Gordon prank video on youtube.com and Bo came downstairs.

Bo: Are you watching the Pepsi prank video?
Me: Yes (laughing at the video)
Me: Does the salesman know it's fake?
Bo: Nobody knows. Everyone thinks it's fake.
Keegan: I'm fake.

Keegan: Momma, can you tell me what you are afwaid of?
Me: Why?
Keegan: I dust wanna know.
Me: Well, I don't like spiders.
Keegan: Are you afwaid of zombies?
Me: You know, zombies aren't real.
Keegan: You can make zombies by killing dem. And if you want to make a ghost, you dust kill dem.
Me: Do you dream about zombies?
Keegan: No, wolf-ez. And wobbers (robbers.) I keep dweaming about bad fings and I think the big bad wolf is gonna come in my woom.
Me:  Why do you keep dreaming about that stuff?
Keegan: I don't know.

I went to MD to shoot a wedding this past weekend with my wedding partner. I got a text from Bo.

Bo: So we are leaving baseball practice today...

Kai: I'm sweaty.
Keegan: I'm sexy and I know it.

A few days ago, Keegan was in my bedroom after I had gotten out of the shower in the morning.

Keegan: Momma, why you have hair?
Me: I told you that when people grow up, hair grows in different places. Some places we shave and some we don't. Like Daddy has hair under his arms but I shave my arm pits.

Later that day, Keegan went to his BFF's house (Steven) to spend a few hours while I ran errands.

Keegan (to Steven's mom, Linda): You know monkeys have really long hair in their armpits? And they scratch them like this.

(Keegan raised his arm and scratched his armpit.)

Keegan continued: You know my mom had long, hairy armpits but she shaved them this morning.

Kai: Momma, Brooklyn picks her nose.
Me: Kai, everyone picks their nose.
Kai: Well, she picks her nose a lot. And she doesn't wash her hands.
Keegan: I pick MY nose. And I don't wash MY hands.
Kai: Keegan, Brooklyn picks her nose and doesn't wash her hands AND the teacher sees her.

The boys came to the top of the basement stairs giggling. After I saw them, I asked if they would come down so I could take a picture. Here's what I captured:

If the glasses look familiar, you might remember this post.

Keegan: Momma, your cheeks are beautiful.
(I was glad he was looking at my face when he said that.)

Keegan: Momma, you want me to tell you why you are white? Want me to tell you?
Me: Sure.
Keegan: Because, Momma, you are just white. That's all. (Shrugs) You are just white, Momma.

Kai: Am I a man, or am I a muppet?
Keegan: Am I a man, or am I a muffet?
Kai: Muh-PIT. PIT.
Keegan: Muff-pit. Muff-pit.

I was at the bus stop when the kids got off today.

Keely: Mommy, don't be mad.

She pulled her folder out of her back pack and I saw that they were school pictures. I wasn't worried because she had prepared me after that day telling me that her hair went "POOF" after recess even though we flat ironed it the night before.

This is what I saw when she turned around her SCHOOL PHOTOS that will be published IN THE YEARBOOK:

I now know that Keegan truly isn't a toddler anymore. I changed my shirt in front of him this morning.

Keegan: Momma, you're fat.
(I made a sad face.)
Keegan: You are so fat, Momma. Why is your tummy so fat?

I won't be changing my shirt in front of him anymore.

I was folding laundry the other day and Keegan was sitting beside me. I got up to pick up some clean clothes that had fallen on the ground.

Keegan: Momma, you have a big butt. A weely, weely big butt.
Me: Yes. Yes, I do.

Turtle and I were on our way home from her field hockey game last night. A couple of quiet moments passed and she said this randomly:

Turtle: You know, sometimes when I get bored I search all over my body for scabs to pick.
Me: Nice.

Keegan: Momma, can I have some gum?
Me: No.
Keegan: Why, Momma?
Me: Because you chew it for 2 seconds and then want to throw it away.
Keegan: No I not, Momma. I chew it for 5 seconds.

On our way back from 7-11 from getting slurpees, Kai told us about Mr. Quiet. 

Kai: Momma, guess who I walked with today? I'll give you 5 guesses.

Me: Uhmmmm... Dylan?

Kai: He's not in my class.

Me: Olivia?

Kai: Nope. She's not in my class either.

Keely was whispering something to me and I only made out "William." Yes, I was cheating.

Me: William?

Kai: There's no William in my class, Momma. You have 2 guesses left.

Keely (whispering louder for her deaf mother): MRS. Williams!

Me: Was it a kid or an adult?

Kai: Actually, it's a hand! Mr. Quiet!

I looked at Keely, who rolled her eyes.

Kai: See, Momma? This is Mr. Quiet!

Kai showed me his hand:

Me: Ooooooh! That's neat, Kai!

Keegan: This is "Punchy!"

I look in my rear view mirror to see Keegan with his hand in a fist making punching movements.

Me (to myself): Mr. Quiet? Meet Mr. Punchy!

I was laying in bed with Kai and Turtle tonight.
Kai: Momma, sometimes I hold my farts and they disappear.

Keegan came down the stairs tonight with new pajamas in his hands (tags still on) and not a stitch of clothing on.

Keegan: Momma, can you help me put my pajamas on?
Me: Yes... are you poopy?
Keegan: No, Daddy cwean me up. I dust naked.

We were at Hollywood Studios in Disney World today. As you can imagine, there were lots of things the kids wanted. Keely saw a man with lighted balloons and wanted one. I asked her to see how much they were. She went right up to the man and came back to report to me.

Keely: The regular ones are 10 dollars and the lighted ones are 15.
Grandpa: How much?
Me: 10 dollars.
Grandpa: For a balloon? That you might lose out to the car?
Keely: I was thinking they should be 1 dollar and 5 dollars.

We spent our first day in Disney at The Magic Kingdom and were headed back to the condo. Kai noticed the palm trees.

Kai: Momma, do you know those trees are Disney trees?
Keely: No, they are Malibu and Hollywood trees.

I finally got up around 1 pm today and was downstairs at my computer when Keegan came down with his clothes for me to help him put on. The boys were told they couldn't play Xbox until they got out of their pajamas.
Keegan: Momma, I was upstairs and I pee in the twashcan.
(Big grin.)
Me: What? You peed in the trashcan? Which one?
Keegan: Upstairs in our woom.
Me: Keegan! We don't pee in trashcans.
Keegan: But Kai was gonna win.

Turtle and I were driving back from breakfast.
Me: Turtle?
Keely: What.
Me: I love you. Don't fight your love for me.
Keely: I'm trying to read! Especially since a golden retriever is talking.

Keegan: I weely want to snore for weel. I want my adenoids back, Momma.
Keely: Okay, we will try to get some from eBay.